It's done, it's over. For at least 5 months!
I feel like I'm on holiday, oh wait, I am! I'm actually starting to enjoy this town instead of resenting not being in my own space. Unfortunately I need to find a job. It's a bit too lazy to have 5 months of nothing, and I want to move out sooner rather than later :p
In other news, I have officially been married for one year and one day today. How exciting is that? We went to the Byron lighthouse to exchange gifts, the rat got me two! A beautiful pair of pearl earrings, and the most perfect necklace I have ever seen. It matches my engagement ring! That's one perfect husbad I have there.
We then went to a fancy restaurant by the sea, had a wonderful dinner, then went to an extrememly funky arthouse theatre and lay on lounger/cusions in the floor to watch a romantic comedy. All in all a pretty perfect evening.
My only sad moment yesterday was while shopping for my Husbands present (I got him a nice pocket knife, which seems pretty lame compared to his amazing gifts), I stopped by the windows of a baby store. Baby stores have made me clucky and impatient since we started trying, but this time I was just depressed. I didn't even go in to coo over the clothes and toys. I'm afraid that if it takes much longer to get pregnant it will end up being a wholly depressing experience, and I really don't want that. Making babies & being pregnant is supposed to be fun, or at least not a negative experience.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I'm so very close!
Only one more assignment to do. An Essay on mandatory reporting in situations of child abuse...
Cheery subject isn't it? I can't believe I chose it. As a consequence of living on adrenaline and stress for the past two weeks, and the general cheeriness of the subject matter, I cannot for the life of me get properly started on it!
Perhaps I need to get Hubby to make it a task and have some punishments promised if I don't meet my daily quota? Probably not, I think in the mood I'm currently in I'd want the punishment too much :p
In other news, a friend sent me a little fertility goddess statuette yesterday. I don't much believe in that sort of thing, but she does, and it's such a lovely thought. She bought it while she was trying to get pregnant and ended up with twins!!!! Perhaps I need to put a towel over it to lessen it's potency or something.
Cheery subject isn't it? I can't believe I chose it. As a consequence of living on adrenaline and stress for the past two weeks, and the general cheeriness of the subject matter, I cannot for the life of me get properly started on it!
Perhaps I need to get Hubby to make it a task and have some punishments promised if I don't meet my daily quota? Probably not, I think in the mood I'm currently in I'd want the punishment too much :p
In other news, a friend sent me a little fertility goddess statuette yesterday. I don't much believe in that sort of thing, but she does, and it's such a lovely thought. She bought it while she was trying to get pregnant and ended up with twins!!!! Perhaps I need to put a towel over it to lessen it's potency or something.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Oh dear...
Maybe I won't be able to continue Uni when I have children. This is so hectic!
I'm literally finishing assignments in 2 days, just to move on to the next one.
Who puts 6 due dates in the last 3 weeks of a semester?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Ouch...
I'm just not used to thinking this hard. So very very many assignments to be done.
I think my brain is trying to crawl out of my ear in rebellion.
Hubby is, as usual, working too hard. But this month I'm beating him in hours spent working on the computer. At last, I won!
I think my brain is trying to crawl out of my ear in rebellion.
Hubby is, as usual, working too hard. But this month I'm beating him in hours spent working on the computer. At last, I won!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I'm pretty sure I've done this right... if not, sorry about all the code!
| This Is My Life, Rated | |
| Life: |  5.7 |
| Mind: |  5.1 |
| Body: | 6.3 |
| Spirit: | 6.1 |
| Friends/Family: | 6 |
| Love: |  7.3 |
| Finance: | 5.3 |
| Take the Rate My Life Quiz | |
How Domliness helps in stressful situations
Hubby and I recently went on a bit of a road trip as a celebration of various things.
It was lovely, I had a great time, and we found a book warehouse that was having a 75% off sale (this is heaven for bookworm/scifi nerds like us!).
However, I had wanted to go somewhere a bit further away, and when I mentioned this Hubby said that he didn't want to because it was a bit further than he wanted to go. This proceeded to spoil my day completely. I don't know why, I really don't. And when hubby got sick in the tummy and stressed from driving around a crowded city when he hasn't been driving for all that long I just got crankier and crankier. I kept thinking horrible things like "You're always sick, it's just your excuse for not doing something you don't want to do!", "You want food court food? We came all this way for freaking food court food?", "We drove the extra 40 minutes from the first stop to shop at a bookstore and go home again?", and general snippiness like that.
So instead of appreciating the effort to go out and shop and have fun alone time, I harboured awful thoughts, even though thery were about semi genuine concerns, and eventually told him what I was thinking.
Hubby was not happy... Hubby told me so... Hubby pulled over and growled at me. It wasn't fun.
However, out of that grumpiness and unfunness came today. Where I told Hubby what I wanted, even if I thought he wouldn't like it or want it himself. Where he set boundaries, and where we just generally enjoyed the crap out of ourselves.
If my Domly Hubby type hadn't pulled over and layed out the reasons why we need to be clear with each other, even if I think it might upset him or make him grumpy. Then we either wouldn't have wanted to go out today, or it would have been a repeat process of the same pussyfooting around and secret resentment that occured on saturday.
I love that my man is such a strong clever type and I'm so very glad he took me on, and puts up with my generally bratty behaviour (not that I'm sucking up because I know he reads this or anything like that).
It was lovely, I had a great time, and we found a book warehouse that was having a 75% off sale (this is heaven for bookworm/scifi nerds like us!).
However, I had wanted to go somewhere a bit further away, and when I mentioned this Hubby said that he didn't want to because it was a bit further than he wanted to go. This proceeded to spoil my day completely. I don't know why, I really don't. And when hubby got sick in the tummy and stressed from driving around a crowded city when he hasn't been driving for all that long I just got crankier and crankier. I kept thinking horrible things like "You're always sick, it's just your excuse for not doing something you don't want to do!", "You want food court food? We came all this way for freaking food court food?", "We drove the extra 40 minutes from the first stop to shop at a bookstore and go home again?", and general snippiness like that.
So instead of appreciating the effort to go out and shop and have fun alone time, I harboured awful thoughts, even though thery were about semi genuine concerns, and eventually told him what I was thinking.
Hubby was not happy... Hubby told me so... Hubby pulled over and growled at me. It wasn't fun.
However, out of that grumpiness and unfunness came today. Where I told Hubby what I wanted, even if I thought he wouldn't like it or want it himself. Where he set boundaries, and where we just generally enjoyed the crap out of ourselves.
If my Domly Hubby type hadn't pulled over and layed out the reasons why we need to be clear with each other, even if I think it might upset him or make him grumpy. Then we either wouldn't have wanted to go out today, or it would have been a repeat process of the same pussyfooting around and secret resentment that occured on saturday.
I love that my man is such a strong clever type and I'm so very glad he took me on, and puts up with my generally bratty behaviour (not that I'm sucking up because I know he reads this or anything like that).
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Baby fever
My Husband kindly downloaded a documentary for me called 'Babies'. It follows the first year of life of four children from different cultures. It's very interesting, but everytime one of the newborns cry my arms ache to hold them and comfot them. I suppose this means I'm well and truly clucky.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020938/
Also, swaddling looks sooo comfy! I wonder if that is one of the reasons i like being tied up so much. Freud ftw!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020938/
Also, swaddling looks sooo comfy! I wonder if that is one of the reasons i like being tied up so much. Freud ftw!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Lets just ignore yesterday's post, shall we?
I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the negatives in my life when I wrote it, and I probably shouldn't have been let near a computer O.o
The Doc told me that with the tests he had done, everything about me was normal, except that I hadn't ovulated. He could see no reason why, except perhaps a blockage in one or both of my fallopian tubes. This particular condition would need laproscopic surgery to diagnose, and could end up being a whole lot of trauma and money for nothing if that turned out not to be the case.
So, Doc has prescribed Clomid, and maybe a sperm test for Hubby. My Husband and my mother in law both want me to get a second opinion, as my MIL has nursed under this Ob/Gyn before and thinks he's an anti woman troll. However, she thinks that about alot of men... The Clomid can't be taken until at the very least next month anyway, so we're considering seeing someone else to get the test results reconsidered. I don't really want to, I'm really not keen on pissing off the man who has potential control over my bits and baby making. But Hubby is at least mostly in charge, so it has to be considered.
My own mother has chimed in on the anti Clomid bandwagon though, because she googled a few articles that link Clomid to cancer. I googled back a few that discredited it and very politely told her that it wasn't her decision to make, and that Hubby and i would give all the information the consideration we thought it merited. And mentioned that we (read me :p) had been researching fertility and so on for about a year now and possibly had a little bit more information than her 20 mins of googling had turned up. That's one of the very very few times that i've properly growled at my mother, poor mom didn't know what to do. She backed off and said that of course it was our decision, but would I promise her to look into some natural remedies too? As I live in one of the biggest hippy towns in Australia, and my MIL is a pretty big hippy herself, I was hardly going to be able to avoid the natural remedies path anyways, so I promised her and all came out of it happy. Well, somewhat happy.
The Zoloft part of the self pitying moan was because my MIL sent an offer to give me some of her Zoloft to help me even my mood and settle a little easier here. She thinks my stress is affecting my fertility. Which it probably is, but you try living with inlaws that you'd barely met before and see how well you settle into the household. I'm really trying, but I come from a reserved, and very religious family. My husbands family are sooo far from reserved, and my MIL considers herself Wiccan. If they're grumpy, they stomp around the house and yell at everyone. In my family if you're at the point of yelling at someone, you're pretty much never going to forgive them, ever. So you can imagine how stressed I get when someone grumps at me! Add to that my naturally highstrung and personality, and my overwhelming need to please people and I do occasionally become a bit of a wreck. So, my MIL's answer is to put me on Zoloft, rather than to stop making me feel guilty for trying to move out of their house. I think this is a bit counter intuitive, but I'm at least going to consider the idea. I would far prefer to have it perscribed by a doctor though, especially considering the fertiity aspect.
Now, my essay for a double weighted class is due tomorrow. And it's worth 45% of my whole mark, so I need to stop procrastinating and go stick my nose into some referencing.
The Doc told me that with the tests he had done, everything about me was normal, except that I hadn't ovulated. He could see no reason why, except perhaps a blockage in one or both of my fallopian tubes. This particular condition would need laproscopic surgery to diagnose, and could end up being a whole lot of trauma and money for nothing if that turned out not to be the case.
So, Doc has prescribed Clomid, and maybe a sperm test for Hubby. My Husband and my mother in law both want me to get a second opinion, as my MIL has nursed under this Ob/Gyn before and thinks he's an anti woman troll. However, she thinks that about alot of men... The Clomid can't be taken until at the very least next month anyway, so we're considering seeing someone else to get the test results reconsidered. I don't really want to, I'm really not keen on pissing off the man who has potential control over my bits and baby making. But Hubby is at least mostly in charge, so it has to be considered.
My own mother has chimed in on the anti Clomid bandwagon though, because she googled a few articles that link Clomid to cancer. I googled back a few that discredited it and very politely told her that it wasn't her decision to make, and that Hubby and i would give all the information the consideration we thought it merited. And mentioned that we (read me :p) had been researching fertility and so on for about a year now and possibly had a little bit more information than her 20 mins of googling had turned up. That's one of the very very few times that i've properly growled at my mother, poor mom didn't know what to do. She backed off and said that of course it was our decision, but would I promise her to look into some natural remedies too? As I live in one of the biggest hippy towns in Australia, and my MIL is a pretty big hippy herself, I was hardly going to be able to avoid the natural remedies path anyways, so I promised her and all came out of it happy. Well, somewhat happy.
The Zoloft part of the self pitying moan was because my MIL sent an offer to give me some of her Zoloft to help me even my mood and settle a little easier here. She thinks my stress is affecting my fertility. Which it probably is, but you try living with inlaws that you'd barely met before and see how well you settle into the household. I'm really trying, but I come from a reserved, and very religious family. My husbands family are sooo far from reserved, and my MIL considers herself Wiccan. If they're grumpy, they stomp around the house and yell at everyone. In my family if you're at the point of yelling at someone, you're pretty much never going to forgive them, ever. So you can imagine how stressed I get when someone grumps at me! Add to that my naturally highstrung and personality, and my overwhelming need to please people and I do occasionally become a bit of a wreck. So, my MIL's answer is to put me on Zoloft, rather than to stop making me feel guilty for trying to move out of their house. I think this is a bit counter intuitive, but I'm at least going to consider the idea. I would far prefer to have it perscribed by a doctor though, especially considering the fertiity aspect.
Now, my essay for a double weighted class is due tomorrow. And it's worth 45% of my whole mark, so I need to stop procrastinating and go stick my nose into some referencing.
Break me
I'm broken...
So broken that my mother in law wants to put me on Zoloft.
So broken that I'm considering it.
So broken that I don't even care that my family is making my fertility decisions anymore.
So broken that MY UTERUS DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY!
So broken that my mother in law wants to put me on Zoloft.
So broken that I'm considering it.
So broken that I don't even care that my family is making my fertility decisions anymore.
So broken that MY UTERUS DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY!
Friday, September 3, 2010
I love my Husband...
I just got this as a FaceBook message from my lovely Hubby, he makes me melt sometimes. Guess who's getting jumped on tonight? And he got coffee : p
I find the allure of your inner thighs hard to resist, but the flow of love between us intoxicating to the point of release.
Also....can you make me a coffee please.
I find the allure of your inner thighs hard to resist, but the flow of love between us intoxicating to the point of release.
Also....can you make me a coffee please.
I love love love chatty ultrasound techs
I went for my preliminary fertility tests today. Blood tests and two very comfortable *snort* ultrasounds.
I love that I had a very kind and very chatty ultrasound tech, I showed a little bit of knowledge of what he was looking for so he told me what he was doing, and what results he found.
So, I know that I do not have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)! That my endometrium (uterine lining) is exactly where it should be at this stage in my cycle, and that I have an ok number of follicles growing.
My right overy had 19 follicles, and only 7 on the left. Stoopid left ovary. Google says that that number is below the range of normal, but my nursey mother in law says that there is no normal number really. I'll wait until my appt on wednesday with my Ob/Gyn and see what he thinks. I'll also see what my hormone levels are when I see him.
I'm kindof excited! I was about 90% sure that I would have PCOS. And I definately don't! I also don't have any cysts or fibroids, and my uterine structure is just fine. I'm hoping there's something slightly wrong with my hormone levels or something that can be medically supplemented, and that there's not a problem with Hubby's sperm. I'm not sure if he could take that :p
I love that I had a very kind and very chatty ultrasound tech, I showed a little bit of knowledge of what he was looking for so he told me what he was doing, and what results he found.
So, I know that I do not have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)! That my endometrium (uterine lining) is exactly where it should be at this stage in my cycle, and that I have an ok number of follicles growing.
My right overy had 19 follicles, and only 7 on the left. Stoopid left ovary. Google says that that number is below the range of normal, but my nursey mother in law says that there is no normal number really. I'll wait until my appt on wednesday with my Ob/Gyn and see what he thinks. I'll also see what my hormone levels are when I see him.
I'm kindof excited! I was about 90% sure that I would have PCOS. And I definately don't! I also don't have any cysts or fibroids, and my uterine structure is just fine. I'm hoping there's something slightly wrong with my hormone levels or something that can be medically supplemented, and that there's not a problem with Hubby's sperm. I'm not sure if he could take that :p
Feminism
While reading another Submissive's blog I noticed that she was discussing feminism, and whether feminism had any place within a BDSM relationship.
The way I see it is that Feminism means that a woman has the right to choose what she does with her life, and how she does it. That is all. Feminism is the ability to choose, not a proscribed set of choices.
A feminst can be a housewife, a slave, or a submissive. And I believe that forcing a woman into making a choice that does not suit her, her needs, or her circumstances in the name of feminism is rather defeating the purpose.
I have a need within myself to bend to anothers will. I am happiest when bustling around my home cooking and cleaning and looking after people. I want to have children and to stay at home and raise them.
I also consider myself a feminist, and I believe that my femaleness does not make me lesser than my husband. I believe that I am lesser than my husband, I believe that he is more intelligent and capable than me (except when it comes to paying bills, grr), and I believe that he should decide what our future is. I believe these things because of my flaws, and his strengths. Not because he is male, and I am female.
Does this make sense?
The way I see it is that Feminism means that a woman has the right to choose what she does with her life, and how she does it. That is all. Feminism is the ability to choose, not a proscribed set of choices.
A feminst can be a housewife, a slave, or a submissive. And I believe that forcing a woman into making a choice that does not suit her, her needs, or her circumstances in the name of feminism is rather defeating the purpose.
I have a need within myself to bend to anothers will. I am happiest when bustling around my home cooking and cleaning and looking after people. I want to have children and to stay at home and raise them.
I also consider myself a feminist, and I believe that my femaleness does not make me lesser than my husband. I believe that I am lesser than my husband, I believe that he is more intelligent and capable than me (except when it comes to paying bills, grr), and I believe that he should decide what our future is. I believe these things because of my flaws, and his strengths. Not because he is male, and I am female.
Does this make sense?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)