I've never blogged before, in fact I'm not really the kind of person who shares their feelings with anyone who isn't a close family member. So feel priveleged random internet users!
In actuality, I'm completely humbled if anyone apart from myself and my husband are reasing this. I can't imagine anything I could possibly say that would be worth of your browsing time but I will endeavour to make it as interesting as I can.
I've only really identified as having a submissive personality for the last 3 years or so. Looking back I can see that I have been my whole life, but I was too busy taking control of every situation, and hating every second of it, to notice.
Since meeting my husband and exploring the world of Dominance and submission I have relaxed so much. I feel cared for and safe knowing that I always have his strength to fall back on. And knowing that if I can't handle a situation, that he'll be there to take care of things, enables me to feel as though I can do anything.
He's such a wonderful man, caring beyond belief, not afraid to take me to task when I'm out of hand, and wise enough to know which approach to take in every situation.
Which brings me to my reason for starting this blog. When we started out we both wanted a very strict D/s relationship, and I do mean both of us. I could imagine nothing better than having the pressures and overwhelming responsibilities of my old life being taken away. And he was excitied by the prospect of having someone to teach, guide and discipline (for a more accurate portrayal of how he felt you'd have to ask him, but that's how I saw it).
We are in a D/s relationship. He has the last say in the decisions we make. Domestically, we have a very traditional relationship, I cook, clean, take care of him and the house etc etc. But neither of us feel completely fulfilled.
Not that we're uphappy. We love each other wildly and passionately, we enjoy spending time together. We're happy with the love we have, that's not an issue. We just don't feel as though we have what we wanted/expected from a D/s relationship.
I think it's quite possibly a physical thing. His wants and needs in that area are far more extreme than mine. And I have such difficulty getting to the place I need to be in to be able to fulfill those needs. My pain tolerance thresholds vary with my hormones, and I have past trauma's that can unexpectedly come to the fore during play sessions, causing the whole thing to come to a crashing halt, and leaving us both in an odd place.
*sigh*
I think that's about all I can write on this topic for today, I'm feeling a little bit drained.
If anyone does come accross this blog, I would be crazily happy for you to leave your thoughts and/or advice.
Have a lovely day!
Ivy
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